While I was watching I was thinking “one of these guys is a much more engaging actor. I wonder how they cast the other one.”
The “other one” is the writer and director.
I wanted to base today’s fake poster on Twins but the layout didn’t quite work, so I went with a different twin film.
I watched this for tonight’s episode of Flop TV. It probably would have been a better movie if it had been made with no stars or cash. I wonder how much of the $100 million budget went to celebrity paychecks.
Today’s fake poster is OH SO MUCH BETTER than the thing I farted out yesterday, but based on an old poster that I’m guessing most people wouldn’t recognize. PROVE ME WRONG, I DARE YOU!
I knew I was in for a high quality piece of cinema when it opened with this title card:
This is the best movie with an old man in a fishing hat fighting to stop an eight year old girl from forcing her mother (with the help of a secret evil organization and the owner of a basketball team) to give birth to the reincarnation of Space Satan I’ve ever seen. At that doesn’t even mention the ice skating fight, or the commune full of bald children led by Space Jesus in what looks like a very nice suburban home in space.
Mel Ferrer (Walk of Fame star at 6268 Hollywood Boulevard) plays the head of the evil secret organization. He gets killed by birds. I’m not sure if he’s covered in blood or bird crap.
Today’s fake poster… isn’t very good. It looks less like a movie poster, and more like a repackaged DVD in the five dollar bin at Walmart.
After I saw this I heard some people outside the theater complaining that there was too much setup and flashback and not enough fighting- which is weird, because the whole point of this movie is that this couple is actually deeply in love, but they’re terrible at it.
Today’s poster inspiration was an obvious choice for fans of late seventies Bette Midler.
Some things that never happen in real life that happen for extra drama in this movie:
The most amazing thing about this movie: it doesn’t end when the chorus girl finishes her triumphant performance. In the last scene (and yes, I’m about to spoil the ending of a 92 year old movie) the director, who has worked himself nearly to death to complete the play and secure his future, stands outside the theater. Weak and unrecognized, people pass him saying that he deserves no credit and that the chorus girl is the reason the show works. And then the credits roll! Way darker than I ‘d expect, but maybe Depression era audiences were primed for that little gut punch.
And why does this movie hate Philadelphia?
I’m not sure exactly where Una Merle’s star is. The Walk of Fame directory says 6262 Hollywood Boulevard, but Wikipedia claims 6230. I guess I’ll have to go look.
It looks like the poster I copied for this was a linocut, and I wasn’t up for spending a day or two replicating the effect accurately, so I faked it. Close enough if you don’t look too hard.
Godzilla vs. bureaucracy. The soundtrack often has to drum up excitement in scenes of middle management meetings:
*BOMPATA-BOMPATA-BOMBOMBOMBPA*
“Inform the Prime Minister that the meeting with the Zoning Commission will happen at 11:00.”
“But that overlaps his meeting with the Sewage Line Planning Committee.”
*BOMPATA-BOMPATA-BOMBOMBOMBPA*
“Push the SLPC to noon.”
“But what about lunch?”
“LUNCH WILL HAVE TO WAIT.”
*BOMPATA-BOMPATA-BOMBOMBOMBPA BOW BOW BOW BAAAAWW!*
But it works!
Today’s fake poster is based on another movie about hunting a monster.
I think this is exactly the sloppy, goofy movie that Ethan Coen wanted to make. It has fun bits- Charlie Day’s twist on a clueless cop is strong- but it’s less than the sum of its parts. In the glory days of cable you’d stumble into the middle of this while flipping channels, chuckle at a scene or two, and move on.
I think today’s poster is a Oneder.
This is the movie equivalent of the kid who thinks he’s the beloved class clown, but he’s really just annoying.
Today’s poster is based on one from a much better movie.
