Month: April 2020

  • Closing in on my Mortal Enemy as a new foe appears

    As you know, Daniel Quinn is my mortal enemy – but my campaign to defeat him is working!

    At the start of this month, I had covered 18.66 percent of the San Fernando Valley. Quinn had 24.9 percent, the cruel coward! But the tides are turning, old friend. This month he has only added a PATHETIC 0.7 miles to his Valley total.

    Now check this out:

    Oh, yeah- unreadable maps are my jam!

    Including today’s ride to Tujunga & Sunland, I have added 88.3!

    I now have conquered 21.16 percent of the Valley, more than 40 percent of the gap between us. If I maintain THIS EXACT PACE (which seems impossible to deny as possible) , then I will best this cruel tyrant on May 6th, and there will be much rejoicing!

    Unless he rides his bike in the Valley between now and then… just the kind of decietful trickery I have come to expect from this blackguard, this lout, this contemptible scoundrel. I MUST BE VIGILANT AND WARY!

    And then there’s Hunter Baoengstrum. He is not my foe…YET.

    It is only a matter of time.

    Why do I say this? Because Hunter Baoengstrum is systematically riding all the streets of Los Angeles County. He hasn’t started the Valley, but it’s only a matter of time. And look at the ride HE went on yesterday:

    He is a mindless biking machine.

    FIFTY-FOUR NEW MILES. IN ONE DAY. Sure it took him six hours, but HE DID IT. One day he will cross the Santa Monica Mountains and begin his attack. When he does, Daniel Quinn and I will face a true challenge. A challenge that will probably require Daniel and I to enter into an uneasy truce to defeat Hunter. A truce that the nefarious Daniel will break when he reveals that the two of them have been secret allies all along, plotting my destruction. BUT I AM ON TO BOTH OF YOU. Your plot is doomed to fail! I SHALL TRIUMPH AGAINST ALL ODDS!

    Also: Here’s a fun little video showing today’s ride:

  • 50ish recent songs

    50ish recent tracks, mostly picked by my phone.

    I listen to some goofy stuff.

    Eraserhead Serenade – RIAA

    Are You a Magician? – SoKo
    Candy-Coated Popcorn, Peanuts and a Prize [Crackerjack commercial]
    The Ties That Bind – Bruce Springsteen

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9LmHISfm-8
    Museum of Idiots – They Might Be Giants

    How Now (ft. Feist) – Snowblink
    Remote Control – Beastie Boys

    Love Me Or Leave Me – Ella Fitzgerald

    World Of Shit – Eels
    Garden – herbal tea
    Hard to Handle – Otis Redding
    Shrooms – Interlude – The Lonely Island

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBpM2d9biDA
    Squalor Victoria – The National

    True Love Ways – Buddy Holly
    Try It Baby – Marvin Gaye
    Got No Heart – The Paper Hearts
    A Fine Romance – Billie Holiday
    Sledgehammer – Peter Gabriel
    Country Sad Ballad Man – Blur
    Dream TV – The Sugarcubes
    Who’s Mess, Who’s Tears – Made-Up
    Wild Situation – Dennis Wilson

    Hour – Porches

    Funky Boss – Beastie Boys
    Beside You – Van Morrison
    I’m Gonna Let My Heart Do The Walking – Diana Ross and The Supremes
    People Are Like Suns – Crowded House
    Breakers – Local Natives
    Calling Miss Khadija – Freddie Hubbard & Woody Shaw

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mt3sit0CLGc
    The Marvel Superheroes Have Arrived – Marvel
    Okay, here’s a creepy thing I never noticed before: Sub-Mariner is described as “exotically erotic.” Just what kids are looking for. Ew.

    Oldest Story In The World – The Plimsouls
    For Baby (For Bobby) – Peter, Paul & Mary
    Jet Boy, Jet Girl – The Damned
    Hey Ya – Outkast
    Turn Away – Beck

    Metropolis – The Pogues

    In Dreamed Lives – Tender Tones
    April Come She Will – Simon and Garfunkel
    I’m Looking Through You – Ted Leo
    Apartment – L I P S
    I’m Telling You – CAPTAIN SCOTT
    You Bowed Down – Elvis Costello
    Champagne & The Starlite – Theya Hermann
    Disappear – Beyoncé
    Slow and Low – Beastie Boys

    Bowling With Bedrock Barney – The Dickies

    Captions – Dog Traders
    Less – Ben Harper
    Beggar’s Bliss – Luna
    I Hate Myself For Loving You – Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
    Honey Power – My Bloody Valentine
    Taneo Dance Fever – Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra
    Digging For Clams – Almonds, Cohen

  • Social Distancing Magazine

  • Corona Cover: Cindy

    CINDY: The Nurse Who Craved PPE
    At least give her a t-shirt or something.

  • 50ish Recent Tracks, Coronavirus Edition

    50ish recent tracks, mostly picked by my phone. Some of these played while I was riding in the wind and couldn’t actually hear them, but I assume they were embedded in my brain subconsciously.

    Let’s Fall In Love – Louis Armstrong & Oscar Peterson

    Marijuana – Cibo Matto
    Don’t Call Me Billy (Demo) – Elliott Smith

    Spanish Bombs – The Clash

    Instrumental – Richard Thompson & Linda Thompson
    Wish – Wyatt Smith
    Chango – Ozomatli
    Save It Pretty Mama – Louis Armstrong
    Higher Ground – Stevie Wonder
    Lowell, MA – Death Cab For Cutie

    More – Ednaswap

    Do It Again – Hysterics
    Stand! – Sly & The Family Stone
    Severe Tire Damage Theme – They Might Be Giants
    Sunshine Of Your Love – Cream
    S-E-X-X-Y – They Might Be Giants
    Tug of Love – Dennis Wilson
    I Desire – Devo
    Murder Of Crows – Jamie T
    Anything – TOPS
    Could You Drive Me Home – Preparation 500
    I’ll See You in My Dreams – Django Reinhardt
    Life Is Still Sweet – White Hassle

    Blowin’ In The Wind – Me First and the Gimme Gimmes – a great song to hear as you’re fighting a 10mph headwind on your bike.

    Hyacinth Blues – The Constantines
    Temptation Waits – Garbage
    polaroid smmr – Detective Deckard
    Little Boxes (dirty version) – Kris Gruen
    Mind Fuck – The Soft
    Centerfold – The J. Geils Band
    I’m In Great Shape – Brian Wilson
    Runnin’ With the Devil (Van Halen cover) – The Vatican Cellars
    Pump-Rama – Killer Pussy
    He’s a Mighty Good Leader – Beck
    Regrets – Ben Folds Five
    I Believe (When I Fall In Love It Will Be Forever) – Stevie Wonder
    Go West – Liz Phair
    My Guitar – Nader & the Trees
    Jalousie – Esquivel
    A Horse with No Name (America) – Larrikin Love
    Wishing (If I Had A Photograph Of You) – Nouvelle Vague

    Sun – GRMLN

    Tonight You Belong to Me – Trashcan Sinatras
    Happiness – Callum Pitt

    Sunday – Sia
    I can’t tell if the low resolution is on purpose.

    Le temps – Mha
    Evil – Howlin’ Wolf
    Modesty Plays [Extended Version] – Sparks
    Witch Doctor – David Seville
    Sky So Blue – Hot Flash Heat Wave
    Seven Seas – Echo and the Bunnymen
    Ballad – HAMJAM
    Love Me Two Times – The Doors

  • My Mortal Enemy

    Today I tell the tale of my greatest rival, my nemesis, my one true foe: Daniel Quinn. Who is Daniel Quinn? I JUST TOLD YOU HE IS MY FOE. MY MORTAL ENEMY, FOR CORN SAKE.

    But if you want to know why he’s my foe…

    About a year ago I started a project: to ride on every single street in the San Fernando Valley. It fell by the wayside, mostly because of bad weather and laziness, but also because it was hard to figure out exactly where the streets of the Valley ended.

    But recently I found wandrer.earth, a site uses your ride data from Strava to figure out exactly what roads you have ridden and how much progress you have made. I signed up, went to my map, and saw this:

    A map of my rides through the San Fernando Valley.
    Guess which corner of the Valley I live in.

    Look at that magic! A beautiful map showing all of my carefully planned trips to precisely cover every single street. And now I had a number: 18.66 percent. Only 81.34 percent left.

    Then I saw the link to the leaderboard. I had to know if I was on top. I clicked the link.

    I was number TWO. Who was number one?

    DANIEL. QUINN.

    And adding insult to injury, look at his map. JUST LOOK AT IT.

    Now guess which corner HE lives in.

    HE’S NOT EVEN TRYING TO HIT EVERY ROAD. He just rides so much that he’s picked up tons of streets ON A WHIM.

    He is the most dangerous kind of mortal enemy:
    the one who doesn’t know he is a mortal enemy.

    I will crush him. CRUSH HIM.

    In the Valley. Eventually. I hope. Everywhere else he will destroy me. See how most of my rides are straight lines, and how his are all bendy? That’s because he rides the hills. A lot. He could probably knock out the Valley in a week if he tried.

    So I must work silently to destroy him. And then, when my task is done, I shall gloat on his Strava page about conquering him, destroying him, humiliating him!

    And he will say “Who are you?”

    Sort of like this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO0FxifkzFQ