Category: movies

Another film crossed off the “I know all the memes but I’ve never watched the movie” list!

This movie has the simplest plot possible – “I gotta get my gang out of this bad area” – but it zips by before you can get bored or tear open too many holes in the plot (and there are plenty of holes to choose from).

Some thoughts:

• There sure were a lot of costumes at the start of this movie. Some of them were pretty detailed – some costumer made a set of yellow satin jackets with custom “Electric Eliminators” logos for less than a minute of screen time.
• On the other hand, a lot of gang costumes seemed to be “everyone gets the same color of dirty shirt.
• So, all the gangs of New York send unarmed representatives to a meeting, but then they all split up?
• I like the idea that somewhere in New York City people live in terror of a group of kids with mime costumes.
• Weird to see one of the cast of Too Close For Comfort as a sex worker. Henry will be flummoxed.
• Also weird that the sexy radio announcer is The Chief from Carmen Sandiego.

Also, if Mercedes Ruehl is sitting alone on a bench in Central Park in the middle of the night, don’t try any funny stuff.

None of this would have happened if Kim Richards wasn’t so fussy about her ice cream.

If you’re at all familiar with John Carpenter, you’ll know he made the film as soon as the music starts.

Also: The movie is called “Assault on Precinct 13,” but the chief says it’s “Precinct 9, Division 13,” and when the lieutenant arrives the sign out front says “ANDERSON POLICE STATION DIVISION 14.” This obviously the entire film.

I kid. The whole thing is ridiculous and fun. I especially love the idea that a police station is closing, and no one thinks to put up a sign until the night before.

The wildest thing in this screwball comedy is watching Katharine Hepburn casually walking around with an actual leopard. Most of the leopard shots in the movie are done with rear projection or double exposure, but there are moments where the leopard is rubbing itself against Hepburn’s legs like a house cat.

Also: dialogue in 1930s movies cracks me up. “Make sure at least one person is taking as fast as they can at all times. We need to make sure the audience knows the sound is working.”

I can see why executives at Warner might think his wouldn’t make money. I can imagine them saying “it’s too old school for modern audiences,” and that may be true. I’m not sure I would have enjoyed this as much if I hadn’t grown up watching the Looney Tunes from the Thirties and Forties. The best parts were when the movie leaned into the new weirdness of things like Farmer Jim (a character I will not spoil here), or when they went way back to the original, truly screwy Daffy Duck from his very first appearances.

FARMER JIM 4 EVER!

A noir movie about a gunman hired to kill someone. I’m sure he’ll be fine. If you like a movie with a raspy narrator, this is made for you!

The writer/director/star of this film is Allen Baron, who I’m sure you’ll instantly recognize as the director of the pilot of The San Pedro Beach Bums. Also: This is explicitly a Christmas movie, so gather the family and drink hot cocoa while you watch a miserable man try to escape his life at Christmas. Isn’t that what “It’s a Wonderful Life” is about?

One of the advantages of being a poor history student is that well-known past events in film can still be surprises. The most unrealistic part of the movie: A major television network only has one German/English translator available in Germany.

Suspense.

One hundred eleven years old. Eleven minutes long. Totally holds up. Some really clever shots. Director Lois Weber is the first known American female film maker. Watch it! It’s on YouTube.

Yacht Rock: A Dockumentary

You have no idea how much of the music of the 1970s was made by half a dozen guys. Come for the story, stay for the Donald Fagen “interview.”

The End

Oh, how I wanted to to like this. A two and a half hour post-apocalyptic musical set in a huge underground bunker, with a cast that includes Michael Shannon and Tilda Swinton, could be a magical thing. It has flashes of greatness, but most of it doesn’t work.

Even if you accept the empty story (pretty much everyone’s character is “generic archetype of a person who did a never-fully-disclosed Bad Thing”) and the not-particularly-memorable songs performed by people with varying levels of singing ability, you’ll get thrown right out of the reality of the movie when a man clearly in his thirties seems to be playing a teenager.

I can only pick one of the movie graphics I made as the featured image, but if you actually read this you get to see the other two as well.

My European Surrealist Cinema Festival apparently continues with a Czech comedy about two women react to realizing the world is bad by tricking men into buying them food before abandoning the men on trains. They also eat pickles from a big jar, steal money from a woman making coffee in a bathroom, and wear outfits made of newspaper and wire while they clean. Y’know, typical movie stuff. On a scale of one to five, I give this a deep yellow teakettle.