Category: Photoshop

  • Classic Movie Pass Adventures: A Matter of Life and Death

    Kim Hunter and David Niven in A Matter of Life and Death.
    Two small figures sitting on a massive staircase in A Matter of Life and Death.

    There’s a scene in the first Captain America movie that homages the first scene in this film. David Niven is a pilot who manages to contact a radio officer on the ground. He knows the plane is going to crash and is certain he will die. In the few minutes they have they manage to fall in love. It’s absurd and it works- just like the rest of this movie. Is it a war romance? A medical drama? A study of religion? A courtroom drama? An argument about American and British sensibilities?

    Yes it is.

    Is it about a crazed fan of a talk show? Nope, but somehow that’s the movie poster I copied.

    A fake poster for A Matter of Life and Death mimicking the poster for The King of Comedy.
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  • Movie Pass Adventures: A House of Dynamite

    Rebecca Ferguson in House of Dynamite
    Gabriel Basso in A House of Dynamite.

    I was worried when the movie started with a wall of text, then more worried when the Obviously Symbolic Dinosaur appeared, but the movie won me over as it ratcheted up the tension.

    Then it started over from a different viewpoint, and it mostly lost me.

    The it started over again from yet another viewpoint, and it pulled me back in a bit, but not all the way.

    Then it just… ended.

    I get what Bigelow was doing with the repetition. The first version is the full bureaucracy angle, showing all of the agencies coordinating to deal with the attack. The second version focuses more on the smaller group of people doing everything they can to avoid escalating the situation, and the third narrows even further to one man deciding whether to start a nuclear war. We see tons of people worrying about the consequences of their decisions, but we never see any of those consequences (and sometimes we don’t even see the decisions).

    …but maybe that’s my problem. Tons of people loved this movie. All I know is that I got one of my best/dumbest fake movie posters out of it.

    A fake poster for A House of Dynamite mimicking the poster for Napoleon Dynamite.
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  • Walk of Fame Movie Adventures: The Westerner and Fred Stone

    Walter Brennan and Gary Cooper leaning in to talk over a bar .
    Gray Cooper's head and a horse's ears.

    Gary Cooper was forced to make this. He didn’t want to do it because he thought you couldn’t have a western without gunfights. There is one gunfight at the end, and I wonder if that was added to appease him.

    …and it’s really more of a love story between Cooper and Walter Brennan, who plays the friendly murderous judge with charm Cooper can’t resist. Oh, you’re supposed to think he loves Doris Davenport, but Brennan’s the one he spends the most time with- and wakes up with in bed.

    Composite picture. On the left, a mockup of Fred Stone's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. On the Right, a black and white portrait photo of Fred Stone.

    Fred Stone (Walk of Fame: 1634 Vine Street) plays Davenport’s father. He was best known as a stage performer. He was the first person to play The Scarecrow in a stage production of The Wizard of Oz.

    Black and White photo of Fred Stone dressed as the Scarecrow from the stage production of The Wizard of Oz.
    …and he looked pretty freaking cool!

    I’m not sure how this movie connects to a movie about an Australian woman obsessed with ABBA and weddings, but here you go:

    A fake poster for The Westerner mimicking the poster for Muriel's Wedding.
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  • Walk of Fame Movie Adventures: Doctor X and Lee Tracy

    The monster from Doctor X shown in high contrast with bright solid color overlays.
    Lee Tracy and Fay Wray on the beach in Doctor X.

    Two words:

    SYNTHETIC FLESSSSHHHHHHH!

    Composite picture. On the left, a mockup of Lee Tracy's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. On the Right, a black and white portrait photo of Lee Tracy.

    Lee Tracy (star at 1634 Vine Street) plays an obnoxious reporter who saves the day with the power of cheap magic shop pranks.

    Today’s fake poster is all about tic-tac-toe.

    A fake poster for Doctor X mimicking the poster for The Story of O.
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  • Movie Pass Adventures: The Smashing Machine

    Dwayne Johnson as Mark Kerr, sitting on the floor of a gym in The Smashing Machine.
    The eyes of Dwayne Johnson as Mark Kerr in The Smashing Machine.

    I think there’s an episode of Leave it to Beaver where someone tells The Beav that he can fake crying by putting his hands on this face and laughing. That what I thought of when The Rock breaks down in this movie. And I kept waiting for Emily Blunt to threaten to take the kids to her sister’s.

    Honestly, this movie is fine, but there are at least two wrestlers-turned-actors currently working with stronger acting skills than Dwayne Johnson.

    Do you think you can figure out the original version of this fake poster without peeking at the alt text? I THINK KNOTT!

    A fake poster for The Smashing Machine mimicking the poster for The Incredible Mr. Limpet.
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  • Retro Movie Adventures: The Third Man

    Silhouette of a man in a sewer tunnel from The Third Man.
    Joseph Cotten in The Third Man.

    After three movies that went from so bad it’s good to competent but built on racism to just plain bad, it was great to see a movie this good. I do wish the score wasn’t “all zither all the time,” though.

    Oh, boy! A fake poster!

    A fake poster for The Third Man mimicking the poster for The Planet of the Apes.
    No one makes a monkey out of Joseph Cotten.
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  • Walk of Fame Adventures: Ten Laps to Go and Tom Moore

    Marie Provost stacking oranges in Ten Laps to Go.
    Tom Moore, Marie Provost, and Muriel Evans in Ten Laps to Go

    This movie is terrible, and not in a fun way. Barely an hour long, but it feels like four. It’s biggest claim to fame is that it’s the last film of Marie Provost, who I only knew as the subject of a not quite accurate Nick Lowe song.

    Composite picture. On the left, a mockup of Tom Moore's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. On the Right, a black and white portrait photo of Tom Moore.

    Tom Moore (star at 1640 Vine Street) plays Mr. Corbett, father of the leading man’s romantic interest and inventor of something that has to do with car engines, but because the script is incredibly lazy it never gets a name. Come on, just call it the “Ultra Efficient Spark Inducer” or “Frictionless Piston” or something. No one watching cares if it makes sense, they just want to know what to call it.

    I picked the source for today’s poster because it was pretty.

    A fake poster for Ten Laps to Go mimicking the poster for Pretty in Pink.
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  • Walk of Fame Movie Adventures: Judge Priest and Tom Brown

    Stepin Fetchit and Will Rogers in Judge Priest.
    David Landau and Tom Brown in Judge Priest.

    It’s really hard to enjoy a lighthearted comedy based entirely on the idea that the Confederacy was actually a great thing, and everybody got along.

    Also: I know there’s been some modern takes on Stepin Fetchit that claim his character is more of a joker than a racist caricature, but it sure doesn’t play positively in this movie.

    Composite picture. On the left, a mockup of Tom Brown's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. On the Right, a black and white portrait photo of Tom Brown.

    Tom Brown (star at 1648 Vine) started as a child model/actor, then worked his way up to bigger roles. Here he plays Jerome “Rome” Priest, Judge Priest’s nephew fresh out of law school who only wins his case because of his uncle’s meddling.

    Today’s poster is completely unrelated to this movie, but I thought it looked cool so I used it. If that bugs you, send me a self addressed stamped envelope and I’ll return what you paid me for this post.

    A fake poster for Judge Priest mimicking the poster for The Misfits.
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  • Monsterdon Movie Adventures: The Food of the Gods

    Marjoe Gortner feverishly pokes at something with a stick in The Food of the Gods.
    Pamela Martin and a giant rat in The Food of the Gods.

    Bert I. Gordon sure loves “Eat and Get Large” movies.

    Marjoe Gortner is a football player who confidently makes bad decisions that get people killed. Pamela Martin plays the woman whose type is apparently “guys who look like scared birds who believe they are always right.” Together they fight giant rats that are actually normal-sized mice or cheap rat costumes.

    The lesson I learned from this movie: If you find a mysterious puddle of white goo, you probably shouldn’t eat it.

    Today’s fake poster is based on a different exploration of the unpredictable effects of deities on mankind.

    A fake poster for The Food of the Gods mimicking the poster for The Gods Must Be Crazy.
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  • Walk of Fame Movie Adventures: We’re Not Married! and Mitzi Gaynor

    David Wayne grumpy and getting kissed on the cheek by  Marilyn Monroe in We're Not Married!
    Movie bar for We're Not Married!

    This is actually five unrelated stories of couples finding out that their marriage licenses are invalid because the Justice of the Peace who signed them started a week early. Everything after that is based on legal nonsense. It never quite works. Lee Marvin shows up for a couple of lines.

    Composite picture. On the left, a mockup of Mitzi Gaynor's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. On the Right, a black and white portrait photo of Mitzi Gaynor.

    Mitzi Gaynor plays a woman who is supposed to be married to a soldier going overseas. They find out they’re not married at the same time that she learns she’s pregnant, and hi-jinks happen when they try to get properly married before he leaves.

    Gaynor’s star is at 6288 Hollywood Boulevard. The closest star is Janet Gaynor’s, and it turns out having the same last name is not a coincidence. Mitzi took her stage name from Janet.

    A map highlighting the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Most of the Walk is highlighted with yellow, but the southeast section of Hollywood from Gower to Vine is red.

    Gaynor’s star is also the last on before I turn the corner and head down Vine. I’ve fully completed about a fifteenth of the walk.

    Today’s fake poster is inspired by a single word:

    Garth and Wayne from Wayne's World with "NOT!" superimposed at the bottom of the image.
    There’s a joke in there somewhere.
    A fake poster for We're Not Married! mimicking the poster for Not Another Teen Movie
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