This is from Marvel Team-Up #74, where Spider-Man teamed up with the 1978 cast of Saturday Night Live.
Or one license twice, depending on how you look at it.
I always try to put my actual weight on my driver license. The top one is what I weighed five years ago – 235 pounds. After that, my weight gradually crept up to the second license, and then beyond. I peaked at just under 270. I thought 235 was bad, but 270 was a whole new world of doughiness.
My weight stayed in the 265-270 range until about nine weeks ago, when I finally decided to really do something about it. The method doesn’t matter, but the progress does:
Losing the weight has been great, but I’m more happy about the invisible benefits than my appearance. I can do things like ride my bike up hills without stopping. My resting heart rate has dropped by 15bpm. My apnea dropped to “really loud snoring” – not great for Katherine’s sleep, but good for mine.
I’m not done yet – you wouldn’t believe how far I’d need to go to officially move out of the “overweight” range – but it’s pleasant for my weight on my license to be too high instead of too low.
…and yes, it’s “driver license,” not “driver’s license.” At least it is in California.
Our old bathroom scale does that thing where it gives a different weight every time you step on it. So I did some research and bought a scale listed as most consistently accurate. I weighed myself this morning and it claimed I lost a couple of pounds overnight. I thought “You bought this because the old one wasn’t working right- of course they don’t match.” To prove it I weighed myself on the old scale.
It also said I lost a couple of pounds overnight.
I have learned the secret of rapid weight loss: MAKE YOUR OLD SCALE JEALOUS.
Don’t write like this. If you do write like this, don’t send it to a publisher. It’s creepy, embarrassing, and hilarious. You could be doing much more valuable things, like finally cleaning out that space under the kitchen sink or taking a really good nap.
Also: don’t publish writing like this. That’s paper that could be still be trees. Instead it’s a permanent record of a complete lack of understanding of composition, physical intimacy, and basic anatomy.
I changed my mind. Publish all writing like this. It accidentally brings the reader satisfaction. I hope that’s not a parallel to anything in the authors’ lives.
Bonus: The Moment I Felt the Most Like a Jerk
I was at the light when I saw the man sleeping. I found a parking spot, got out my camera, walked to a good vantage point, and… the man sat up. Then I got annoyed. Yes, I got annoyed that a homeless man dared to re-position himself on a crappy, uncomfortable bus bench before I could take a picture of him.
Bonus: The Moment I Felt the Second-Most Like a Jerk
When I took this picture.
My monkeys make movies. I make my monkeys make storyboards. When they make their first ones, they almost always use stick figures, which makes it really hard to know things like character size, position, and direction. I’ve started pushing them toward variations on Ivan Brunetti’s cartooning, and it’s really helping them be more expressive on the page.
It’s kind of surprising how much the simple shapes can express. And the kids are actually trying to match their shots to their storyboards. Neat!
If you want to try some Brunetti for yourself, he’s got a book: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0300170998/ref=ox_sc_act_title_2?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&psc=1
I like Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. I even (briefly and indirectly) worked for them. But I don’t care for this:
I understand that donations matter and that every nickel counts. I understand that sending money, even a nickel, draws attention to the request. And I also understand that a mailer with a nickel costs at least a nickel more than a mailer without one. Don’t send me money when you’re asking me for money. It’s weird.
Again, I have nothing against CHLA. They do good stuff. You should give them money. Go to chla.org/give and throw a few bucks in to help some sick kids. I just did. But tell them Luke doesn’t want their nickels.
…and no fair pointing out that their marketing not only worked on me, but got me to advocate for them as well.
I can’t wait for this to be available somewhere other than Disney+.
There’s a thing in Japan called “Jimi Halloween,” which roughly translates to “Mundane Halloween.” Instead of wearing fancy costumes, people dress up as ordinary events. It is the greatest thing ever. Pictured: Man who got a cart but didn’t get many things.