You might have something like I found on my bike tonight:
A broken chain is a little annoy at home, but a major pain in the ass on the road. The good news: I had a fresh quick link, and the break gave me an excuse to give the chain a proper deep clean.
The lesson: Do your ABCs before you ride!
Many years ago I was getting on the freeway near my apartment when I saw a bike hanging on a fence near the on-ramp. I thought “if that bike is still there when I’m coming home, I’m going to go check it out.” I was gone all day, so I knew it wouldn’t be there that night.
But it was.
I drove home, then walked back to the bike. It was originally olive green, but someone had half-sprayed parts of it blue.
It was probably abandoned or stolen. There’s also a pretty deep dent in the top tube, so it might have simply been thrown away. I didn’t know anything about the model but it looked nice. I took it home to either figure out who it belonged to or, if it was the right size, repair it and keep it.
I tried finding the original owner. Lost and found, Craigslist, even contacting the manufacturer to see if they had a record of the purchase. No luck, but I did figure out that it’s an early 2000s Surly Long Haul Trucker.
Since I couldn’t find anyone it belonged to, I started fixing it. I am not a mechanic, so a lot of “me fixing it” fixing it was “me taking it to a bike shop,” but I did manage to paint it. It looks really cool if you don’t look too hard. After I painted it I found a helmet that matches. It’s supposedly a woman’s helmet, but the only difference seems to be a slightly larger gap in the back to let out a ponytail.
Once I had it in running condition, I rode it. A lot. It’s exactly the right size. It’s designed to carry lots of stuff for long distances, so it’s incredibly comfortable. It has old-school bar-end shifters to stay out of the way of anything you might load on the thing.
In 2016 I rode my first century on my 50th birthday on it. It reminded me how much I love riding. I moved up in features (and price). My current road bike weighs about half what this one does and has lots of electronic doodads. This bike ended up neglected in a closet at work.
Today I took it out for a ride at lunch. I had forgotten how great it feels to ride. Smooth and easy. The new bike is fun and fast, but this really is a bike I could sit on all day. It’s like it was waiting for me to find it.
I apologize for neglecting you, bike. I promise to ride you more often.
The actual conversation I had with Denise only started with the Hollywood Boulevard bike lane. It spun off from there into discussions of stuff like infrastructure in general, public transportation, the “last mile” problem, and affordable housing in Los Angeles- way too much to get into for a tiny bike video. Maybe I’ll get into that stuff in another, equally exciting video.
Also: you should check out Denise’s Etsy shop.
My Mortal Foe, Daniel Quinn: VANQUISHED!
Peep this:
TWENTY FIVE POINT TWO PERCENT. Pity poor Daniel Quinn, for his paltry 25.02% of the Valley has been crushed.
This is me:
…and this is PATHETIC HAS BEEN DANIEL QUINN:
At this point, the only way he could possibly catch me is if he rode SEVEN MILES. IMPOSSIBLE! NO MAN CAN RIDE SEVEN MILES AND LIVE TO TELL THE TALE.
My glory will never be surpassed!
The killing blow:
Now go and tell the world of this glorious day!
(maybe don’t tell Daniel)
As you know, Daniel Quinn is my mortal enemy – but my campaign to defeat him is working!
At the start of this month, I had covered 18.66 percent of the San Fernando Valley. Quinn had 24.9 percent, the cruel coward! But the tides are turning, old friend. This month he has only added a PATHETIC 0.7 miles to his Valley total.
Now check this out:
Including today’s ride to Tujunga & Sunland, I have added 88.3!
I now have conquered 21.16 percent of the Valley, more than 40 percent of the gap between us. If I maintain THIS EXACT PACE (which seems impossible to deny as possible) , then I will best this cruel tyrant on May 6th, and there will be much rejoicing!
Unless he rides his bike in the Valley between now and then… just the kind of decietful trickery I have come to expect from this blackguard, this lout, this contemptible scoundrel. I MUST BE VIGILANT AND WARY!
And then there’s Hunter Baoengstrum. He is not my foe…YET.
It is only a matter of time.
Why do I say this? Because Hunter Baoengstrum is systematically riding all the streets of Los Angeles County. He hasn’t started the Valley, but it’s only a matter of time. And look at the ride HE went on yesterday:
FIFTY-FOUR NEW MILES. IN ONE DAY. Sure it took him six hours, but HE DID IT. One day he will cross the Santa Monica Mountains and begin his attack. When he does, Daniel Quinn and I will face a true challenge. A challenge that will probably require Daniel and I to enter into an uneasy truce to defeat Hunter. A truce that the nefarious Daniel will break when he reveals that the two of them have been secret allies all along, plotting my destruction. BUT I AM ON TO BOTH OF YOU. Your plot is doomed to fail! I SHALL TRIUMPH AGAINST ALL ODDS!
Also: Here’s a fun little video showing today’s ride:
Today I tell the tale of my greatest rival, my nemesis, my one true foe: Daniel Quinn. Who is Daniel Quinn? I JUST TOLD YOU HE IS MY FOE. MY MORTAL ENEMY, FOR CORN SAKE.
But if you want to know why he’s my foe…
About a year ago I started a project: to ride on every single street in the San Fernando Valley. It fell by the wayside, mostly because of bad weather and laziness, but also because it was hard to figure out exactly where the streets of the Valley ended.
But recently I found wandrer.earth, a site uses your ride data from Strava to figure out exactly what roads you have ridden and how much progress you have made. I signed up, went to my map, and saw this:
Look at that magic! A beautiful map showing all of my carefully planned trips to precisely cover every single street. And now I had a number: 18.66 percent. Only 81.34 percent left.
Then I saw the link to the leaderboard. I had to know if I was on top. I clicked the link.
I was number TWO. Who was number one?
DANIEL. QUINN.
And adding insult to injury, look at his map. JUST LOOK AT IT.
HE’S NOT EVEN TRYING TO HIT EVERY ROAD. He just rides so much that he’s picked up tons of streets ON A WHIM.
He is the most dangerous kind of mortal enemy:
the one who doesn’t know he is a mortal enemy.
I will crush him. CRUSH HIM.
In the Valley. Eventually. I hope. Everywhere else he will destroy me. See how most of my rides are straight lines, and how his are all bendy? That’s because he rides the hills. A lot. He could probably knock out the Valley in a week if he tried.
So I must work silently to destroy him. And then, when my task is done, I shall gloat on his Strava page about conquering him, destroying him, humiliating him!
And he will say “Who are you?”
Sort of like this:
Dear Internet,
How are you? Fine, I hope. I am fine.
I’m sorry I haven’t written for a couple of months. I was really busy or something.
So much has happened since my last note. The most significant thing is that I saw Cats. This was my favorite song.
I also lost more weight. Most it from my beard.
I also got a new bike. It looks like this one, but red.
I made a little more progress on my project to ride every street in the San Fernando Valley.
I’m sorry I haven’t written lately. I will write more soon.
Your Friend,
Luke
P.S. Maybe the world is ending?
